If you’re parenting a child whose behavior seems unpredictable or explosive, chances are you’re walking on eggshells—tiptoeing around in fear of triggering a meltdown. It’s exhausting. You might avoid saying “no,” avoid setting boundaries, or even suppress your own feelings just to keep the peace. But here’s the hard truth: avoidance often makes things worse.
Children are incredibly perceptive. When we let fear dictate how we respond, they can pick up on it. And unintentionally, we may reinforce the very behavior we’re trying to avoid. Over time, this can escalate—more frequent, more intense outbursts—and the harder you push back, the more your child may dig in.
So what can you do?
Stop Sweeping It Under the Carpet
Avoiding the behavior doesn’t solve it—it feeds it. As tough as it is, we must address the challenging behavior. Not with anger. Not with punishment. But with calm, consistent discipline.
And yes, that takes courage.
I remember once asking my son, “Why were you violent toward me when you were younger?” His answer was brutally honest: “Because it got me what I wanted.” That moment hit me hard. Our silence or inaction, however well-intended, can send a message that poor behavior is an effective strategy.
Respond, Don’t React
Many parents (myself included!) have had moments where our child’s behavior triggers something deep in us—especially when it’s extreme: door slamming, insults, destruction, aggression. Our natural response is to react immediately, often with big consequences. But these moments aren’t when we’re at our best.
We might say something like, “You’re not going to that party!” in the heat of the moment—only to regret it later. That’s not discipline; that’s reacting. And when we react like that, we lose our sense of calm authority—what I call our “parental presence.” We lose our crown.
Keep Your Crown On
Visualize wearing an invisible crown. It represents your calm, your dignity, your leadership. You’re the king or queen of your family’s emotional realm. When we lash out or punish impulsively, our crown slips. But when we take a step back, stay calm, and respond with thoughtful discipline, our crown stays firm.
So how do we respond effectively?
Strike When the Iron Is Cold
You’ve probably heard “strike while the iron is hot.” I’m asking you to do the opposite. Wait. Wait until emotions have cooled down—completely. That might mean 10 minutes for one child or five days for a teenager. But only when things are calm can you have a productive conversation and apply appropriate consequences.
When we talk to our children in that cool-down space, they’re far more likely to listen—and learn.
Discipline Means to Teach
Let’s shift from punishment to teaching. Discipline isn’t about making a child pay—it’s about helping them grow. If they’ve broken something, they fix it. If they were rude, they make amends. Ideally, they come up with ideas themselves. That builds accountability—and maturity.
Be Creative, Be Resourceful
Sometimes, the behavior we’re facing is deeply distressing. A parent I worked with recently had a daughter so addicted to her phone she would wake her up at 2 AM, demanding internet access. When refused, she escalated to water on the bed or flashing lights in her mother’s eyes. This kind of sleep deprivation is real. It’s extreme. And it’s a form of control.
In that case, we brainstormed backup plans. Is there someone in another time zone who could intervene during those hours? Can you build a support system—neighbors, relatives, professionals—who can help you think outside the box?
Einstein said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” So let’s start doing things differently.
Build Connection First
The single most powerful tool in your parenting toolbox is connection. When your child wants to be with you—because you’re fun, safe, kind, and firm—they are much more likely to cooperate.
So here’s your Easter challenge: Spend 10–15 minutes of pure, joyful, undistracted time with each of your children every day. No phones. No interruptions. Just connection.
- For younger kids: blow up a balloon, play hide and seek, bounce on the trampoline.
- For older kids: doodle together, grab a hot chocolate, paint nails, or just talk.
- For teens: let them teach you something—how to game, a football skill, or the latest TikTok dance. You’ll probably be terrible. That’s perfect. Because when your child sees you learning from them, they feel seen, valued, and proud.
Final Thoughts
Raising a challenging child is no easy task. But remember, change comes not through giant leaps, but tiny, consistent steps. Stay calm. Strike when the iron is cold. Be the magnet your child wants to be near. And above all, build the joyful connection that makes everything else possible.
This Easter, slow down. Reconnect. Rediscover the love that made you a parent in the first place.
Wishing you a peaceful, joy-filled holiday. (And maybe not too many chocolate eggs.)